Ever Inadequate
by La.Rein
Summary: Everyone has their insecurities. It's said that true companions can over look them and accept them as a part of whom they love. Sometimes, that is not the case.


I, Play Insanity, do not claim to own 'Inuyasha' characters, story line, etc. I do however own this story line. Please read and review. Enjoy.

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Ever Inadequate

Hands ran the length of her body none too gently. So violent were the menstruations that had she not felt completely numb, the sensation would invoke the feeling of razor to flesh, small lengths at a time. Miko blood seeped from pinprick sores raw red from her callous scrubbing.

'Disgusting beast', her heart sneered.

Eyes investigated the plains of pale to crimson skin. The physical captivity of a severed spiritual entity. Her muscles whimpered in rebel under her scrutiny. Mound of inferior rubbish. Heap of bile tainted waste. Vicious scrutiny by passed not a blemish, not a mark, not a reproduced imperfect perfection. Monstrous feet leading skyward to bony legs layered with accusing flab. Square hips to cureless torso. Stomach fat curled in her fisted hands. Long gorges formed by brittle jagged nails which tipped equally brittle digits to mar the pale greying skin of her thighs and breasts which were, in actuality, small shapeless mounds of fat perched were breast should be seen.

The most wrenching feature of her body by far was her gaunt face. Thin wire lips constantly cracked and dry, stretched a grey pink ting, and devilish pointed nose divided her face, but also dark eyes the colour of dying autumn. A mud colour devoured in sorrow, insecurity and self-loathing. Wispy and dull hung her hair from her scalp like spider's web though without the lustre. The tendrils travelled over defeated shoulders to trail lifelessly in a breeze of regret, such like the ghost or should she say man/demon of her torment.

'No, he is not at fault for my appearance. He is too being pitied. Such compassion to be forced, yet accept to bear my company.'

She flung her head away in shame and disgust.

A wimpier died in her throat.

'How could they eat and not ranch in my presence?'

A second whimper made an escape without impression upon her surroundings.

'Such a selfish beast I have become.'

Feet moved beneath murky water to blindly guild her to Wards River's edge to gather her hygiene products. Altering her head, fingers worked vigorously through matted hair. Breaking the surface of the water, she rose from the depths and began a similar process with the soap over her body. While floating eloquently just beneath the surface, divider to a land where she was unappreciated and worthless, she thought to herself.

'I love swimming', her innocence whispered.

'Yes, but I best exit the water and dry off before I cause further distress for my companions.'

She surfaced to awaken to a gorgeous quarter moon. Her body caught a stray breeze, only to be racked with small tremors. She cocooned a towel from her time about her body.

'If I catch a cold...' A wave of guilt washed over her.

'I've already caused far too much grief.' She sighed, 'they are gods for putting up with my antics for so long.'

Mind restless with unwarranted guilt, heart quietly distraught, her consciousness

continued on with its on slaughter of insults and advice.

'I can't fight. I can't protect. Hell, I can barely heal. I am failing in my studies, mainly because I'm such a moron, shit, I sit Inuyasha when it is I who deserves to be sat.'

Determined she whispered. 'All I can offer is objects from my time, cooking, healing them after battle, my shard sensing ability and unflinching loyalty, though, that's about as worthwhile as bathing in a septic tank.'

In her mind the insults built up.

'Weak, slow, fat, ugly...' her voice steadily grew from whisper to shout.

'... Disgusting, worthless, vile, sneaky, conniving, ... '

With that her voice broke into an agonizing cry, which rang through out the vicinity, 'if I was half a decent person I'd just die.'

Knees collapsed beneath her - the earth absorbed the impact. Her torso slumped forward to meet the forgiving ground. Defeated and spent with no intentions of rising to meet the sun kissed sky. Her weak tears which could no longer be cast aside, poured forth from her delirious eyes to pool over shallow cheek, falling onto the sleek grass. Exposed and helpless lay the purest creature ever to grace this or any time or earth, bear and raw from the cruelty have supposed allies and the silent evil each posed.

The oddly clear cover of water mirrored the magnificent night stirring the lilies basking in the presence of the being unconscious by their side. The foliage grew still and silent for that single night to ensure the most restful sleep possible for their companion, as they would have quite an excusing travel before them when the golden eyed half god came to awaken her at day break.


End file.
